What A Best Friend Can Mean 18 Year's Later

They year I began 6th grade we moved to Layton -- I was angry. I had friends where we were moving from, a routine that I loved -- everything was familiar. The new house wasn't ready before school started for the year so every morning my Dad would drive Mandy and me up to the he house to wait for the bus on his way to work. To make matters worse our classroom was outside in a portable classroom, the teach was weird and too bouncy. Everyone seemed to know everyone except me. To make matters worse about two weeks into the school year the popular girls formed a club called the "Pink Flamingo's". In case anyone is wondering no I was not popular I was more of a bookworm/chatty Cathy. I felt so lonely. Being a girl that age is hard -- I know I've watched five daughters go through this stage. It helps to have a best friend. Angela was in my class -- there were two of us. I didn't think we would ever click. Angela played tennis and was great in math. I have no skills in any type of sport what so ever but I could tell you the names of all the countries in Europe and Asia without the map being filled in. She was neat and orderly and I was (and still am) a bit of a hurricane. We eventually did click. I remember the first time I spent the night at her house -- my first friend since moving 40 miles away over five months before. Angela liked me for me. She was so cool -- she had her own room (I shared with Mandy still). Her little brother didn't touch her stuff and she had an older brother who could drive. Her parents were amazing and kind. I loved to go to her house because it was quiet, and organized. Angela had a German Shepard named Inga and this huge cat named Mac. We did everything together. In junior high we had several classes together, shared a locker and spent hours on the phone. For the life of me I couldn't figure out algebra -- I tried really hard and when I was bombing Angela was the one who tutored me and helped me with my homework. She could always find the bright spot. We had each other to tell our secrets to, talk over ideas, or deal with our families. For me things were rough at home -- my dad had taken a job traveling all over the world for and my mom was having a hard time with it. Then the bottom dropped out of Angela's world as her parents separated and later divorced. Looking back I didn't appreciate how hard that would be for her. Like everything Angela has every done she handled it with grace and poise. Hindsight is 20/20 and I have to say she was always there for me more than I was for her -- oh how I wish I had been less selfish. Time marched on and we went to High School. Again we shared a locker, and a couple of classes. The drama of beginning to date and crushes gone wrong. We talked a lot about what we thought we wanted for our lives and how we would never "settle". This year was our last full year together as she moved overseas with her mom and her new husband. Angela came home every summer, and sometimes mid year as well. During the summer she worked at a camp which cut into our time together. Our interests changed but we would still laugh and be silly together. I had my drivers licence and Angela didn't. It was cool then to "cruise the 'Vard". We went to Ogden and drove back and forth Ogden Blvd. for hours. I don't think I had laughed that hard in a long time. It was pure silliness and I loved every minute of my time with her. I hated for her to have to fly back. I called her several times that fall as my anxiety was beginning to be harder and harder to control -- (it would take me years to learn how to control it and to this day it is still something I struggle with from time to time). Boy were my parents ticked when the phone bill came with the three hour calls to Japan. I need someone I could talk to who I trusted. I'm not one to have a ton of close friends who know my most inner private thoughts. To this day I still only have a few close friends who I trust with me. At that time she was in a great private school having experiences that were amazing and I was dating some looser. After high school graduation Angela came home to work for the summer at the camp. I was working in a nursing home at night. I had met Charles that spring and we were engaged by the time she got home. I begged her to be my maid of honor and of course she was. I remember her telling me that I was crazy to get married -- She was right in some ways. That is one thing about Angela -- she is very grounded in reality. Before Charles and I were married she sat him down and had a chat with him. Angela loved me enough to let him know that I mattered to her. I remember later she told me "God help him if he hurts you". True to her word she flew down from college to be with me and save me from my mom. We were not getting married until five o'clock at night -- my mom woke me at five in the morning. By nine in the morning I need to get out of the house. I went and got Angela -- we went to breakfast. Later we picked up Charles and went to lunch. We drove back up to what would be our duplex and collapsed on the couches. Angela and I talked for most of the afternoon, as long as we could before I had to take her home to get ready and me to the church to get ready. Angela was there to help with my dress, flowers, and keep the anxiety at a minimum. Marriage, children and time changes things.... We would talk a couple times a year. When we got the girls she thought I was nuts and looking back -- I was. I wanted her to see that my chaos was okay and that I was okay. I was so proud of her and wanted her to be proud of me. Angela graduated from college first a bachelors degree, and eventually a doctorate. From what I understand she is tops in her field. We've drifted apart and at times I miss her something fierce. As my girls reached the 6th grade I understood the need for that special friend for each of them. It made my memories of her even more precious. I know the life changing impact of a best friend -- Angela blessed me with that. This weekend Angela married. I hope she found the one who will treat her as she should be treated. Who understands and knows her value, and what an incredible woman she is. Someday I hope to return the favor of the "God help him if he hurts you" speech. For now I wish her every joy and happiness.

SNOWZILLA

Snowzilla – 5 massive weather fronts in five weeks – What the HECK??? Someone get Mother Nature some Midol, a coke and dark chocolate! Anything to calm her down and fast. For those of you who don’t know me well I work for an airline – NYC’s hometown airline thank you very much. Where all 5 count them 5 storms have been gunning for.

What does this mean for me out west in Utah? Long hours at work – worried for my groups traveling, my crew that is working and our Northeast teams as well – don’t think I forgot you Chicago! It means enforcing mandatory OT, picking up food from our leadership team to feed my crew, being a therapist, mother, supervisor for my crew, trying to remember to be kind and caring even when I’m so tired I can only see double.

Somewhere in all of this I still need to be a wife and mother – oh the balancing act. I am so grateful that Charles is home every night – this would have been all but impossible to do with him gone six days a week. He has been taking care of dinner, meds, baths and homework. Talk about a transition for him. As for the job front – he is working at Nutty Guy’s for now. He is unsure what he is going to do long term but some money coming in is better than no money.

Anyway I should go – My goal is to really update with pics and everything very soon. I need new pics of all my kids – it is on the to do list.

Much love!

The New Year

Happy New Year!! This year brings many changes to our family.

Charles has parked his semi truck and is looking for a full time job in town. We are excited to have him home each and every night with us. However, it has been an adjustment for me. It is kind of like when you first get married – you each have your own rhythm of living and your own set of quirks. We have been married over 17 years but have not lived day in and day out together since just before our second wedding anniversary. I have had the cold/flu/crud that is going around my office and Charles has been trying to take care of me – I don’t know how to let him. The other night he looked at me and asked me to just let him help. He has been great to make dinner, run kids to and from school and activities.

Maggie has adjusted to being home. She is now seeing her therapist weekly. It has been a huge change to live with her little siblings instead of a household of girls her own age. Maggie likes her new school but again this too is an adjustment as she has only been to school with all girls on site at her RTC’s. Her new school is small but co ed. I am relieved to hear her describe boys as “weird”. Maggie is helping teach dance to the younger kids at the school and has tried out for the girls basketball team.

Caitlin is getting busier and busier – She loves Young Womens and school. She has her own room downstairs now and loves the independence it brings. For Christmas Santa brought a Wii. She loves Just Dance 2 and there always seems to be a dance off happening in our familyroom. I think now that it is so cold she really hates to walk Buddy the dog – however the consequence of not walking him is worse.

Sydney had her IEP last week. She is making slow progress but it is progress at school. The semester changes soon and that means three new classes. I never thought I’d be so glad to see a PE class end. Her teacher just doesn’t get Sydney or her needs. She has a transplant clinic appt coming up – I’m sure it will be fine as always.

Jonathan is now 8. He started cub scouts and LOVES it!!! His new meds are working better for his social phobia and anxiety. Jon loves having his dad home every night. It has taken some getting used to but he looks forward to doing his homework with Charles. Jon loves the Wii – sometimes a bit too much.

Zachary is well Zachary. He is so busy and into everything – he always asks “how, why, how come” type questions. For Christmas the boys received a ton of building block type toys – legos, nuts and blots, tinker toys etc. Zachary is always making something. He is still in love with his Buddy dog – however we are working more and more on being gentle.

As for me work is very busy – sometimes too busy. I met with my manager because I feel like I could work 70 hours a week and there would still be tasks to do. John told me that was normal. I’m so glad that we have our perm leadership team in place – maybe we can get a bunch of stuff done! It is the beginning of our busy season with many groups preparing to fly over the next three months. Next month is my first performance review as a supervisor and I am way nervous.

Cancer... The Unwelcome Holiday Guest

In late October we learned that my dad (in Layton) had a mass on his pancreas. My mom took him to the Huntsman Cancer Institute for a biopsy and scans. After the biopsy results were back we learned that it was indeed cancer. However the doctors we beyond positive – they told us that they never find pancreatic cancer this early and staged it at stage 2. They sent Dad home to see a surgeon in Ogden the next week. After he saw the surgeon they scheduled the Whipple procedure – a very invasive surgical procedure that takes 8-10 hours to complete for the day before Thanksgiving.

Wednesday 24 November came – My mom took my dad to Ogden Regional at 0600. It had been a horrible storm the night before – I even sent my Crewmembers home early from work. Because of how painful this surgery is they gave my dad an epidural, and wrapped him in a bear hugger to keep him warm while he was on the table. They began to put my dad out and finish the prep work just before 0900. I went into work and figured that around 2pm I’d leave to head to Ogden. I spoke to my mom and she said not to worry and that would be fine. 45 minutes later it was not fine. My sister text messaged me to call our mom ASAP.

The surgery was over – the cancer had spread, liver, stomach, lymph nodes. Stage 4 aggressive pancreatic cancer. My heart dropped – I started to cry and walked into John’s office and told him I was leaving.

Being me and not knowing what else to do I picked up Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes and a coke. I was still crying in the shop. The poor lady behind the counter felt so bad and gave me free coke. My brother phoned – he was on his way to the Atlanta airport to fly to Tucson to see his in-laws for Thanksgiving. Patrick wanted to know what to do – change his ticket and come home or go to Tucson still. I had to call Grandpa Coleman and our cousin Lottie so the family could be informed. I called Charles and sobbed.

The roads were bad and I was still crying. All I could think about were the words of the priesthood blessing Dad had received the Sunday before – all about how his family would be comforted – nothing about dad just his family. Then I had that warm feeling come over me and knew that we would not be alone during this time. My dad is a good man – married my mom and her two small girls and took care of us. Sometimes I just have to turn it over to the Lord and let life happen in His time not mine.

Paul Cardall -- A Hero in my Book

Being Sydney's Mom has taught me a lot about courage and living. Living is not merely surviving but enjoying the journey, finding joy in the small moments. Meeting others who have survived until adulthood with CHD has been like a light in a long dark tunnel. Paul is a gifted talented musician -- that would be an understatement. He went to my favorite heart group’s annual meeting (It's My Heart) in Houston last month and spoke. I felt sad that I couldn't be there but from all of the reports from other heart mom's it was amazing!

So tonight I wanted to share with you a small clip of his music. I cannot wait until his book comes out this fall.

Peaches

I found a killer deal on peaches at Sunflower Market -- they were only .47 a pound. I bought about 35 lbs. I made freezer peaches, freezer jam, regular jam and also some cherry jam. I have to say I am loving having my garden and looking forward to canning tomatos, beets, and salsa later in the year.

Canada Day

Whatever would I do without my work family? My friends in CRC threw me a Happy Canada Day party today. We had food, treats, teasing about where I'm from. It was the perfect day! This is part of the reason I love working here! Thanks to each and everyone of you! You made my day!!! Pics to follow